I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
they're like a gay fantastic four
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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