Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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