Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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