The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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