So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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