u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
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