At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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