Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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