I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
