For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Mom said you looked used
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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