ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
