I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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