I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Randomize
