I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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