Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
