Four minutes until I can fart!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
