Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
