Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
