His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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