So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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