I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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