Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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