Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
