As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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