O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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