so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
