I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
