I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
