I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
