I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
