The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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