It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
