I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I need to sanitize my soul.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
