Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
