I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Porn is love you can see.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
