oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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