and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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