I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
