I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
