i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
