when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
