Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
