so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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