You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
