Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
nutella sex= disaster
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
