Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
