Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
