So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
