i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
