So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
