about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
