He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
