don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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