I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
