I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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