she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
