I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
