dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
