awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
