Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
