my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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