dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
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I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
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It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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