I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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