hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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