don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
