Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
