I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
