apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He passed out mid-signature
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
