Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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