Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
