Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
