LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
