I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
