I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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