i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
