i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
