He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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