Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
