i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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