you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
